We beseech thee, Hear Us!
I'm not so sure about anything anymore...except of what is tangible, permanent, close, and daily...
I'm not sure about my future, about my legacy, about my talent, my skills, my friends, my objectives, my standards, my expectations, my wishes, my desires, my need for lust.
I find myself incapable of defying my own false sense of security in the fear of crashing against a mass of doubt and uncertainty.
I find no interest in work, studies, fun, only amuse myself in silence, books, television (though against my principles) but mostly thought....
I find myself trapped in thought...in a permanent state of shock.
They say several panic attacks can alter your way of life....I guess mine has been altered.
I used to think everything came clear at a certain age...that age has come, and I don't think anything has been any more blurred than now.
I used to cut myself....now I cut myself off reality.
And I don't know what's worse.
To live for a dream that won't come true...or to believe a dream will come true, even when the possibilities are practically nule.
I don't know any more...dwelling in mood swings an entire lifetime cannot be productive.
But you know me, there's nothing closer to a kaleidoscope than my mind...a thousand million pieces all together but not one...just a bag of thoughts, dreams, deceptions, love, pain, memories,
ideas, jumbled up in a maniac's blender.
whuuuuushhhhhhhh
I wish I had a simpler mind.
I wish I had less.
I wish I was less.
I wish-.-
